How Can Childhood Trauma Impact Adult Relationships?

Painting from the ‘My America’ Series, by John Biggers, Year Unknown

Childhood trauma shapes the way individuals perceive and navigate relationships in adulthood, sometimes in ways that are unconscious and deeply ingrained. From a psychodynamic perspective, early experiences with parents or caregivers can act as a template for future relationships where attachment styles, dynamics, and emotional regulation are influenced. If a child experiences neglect, abuse, or inconsistent caregiving, they may internalize these patterns, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships later in life. The concept of repetition compulsion, introduced by Freud, suggests that individuals unconsciously seek out relationships that mirror unresolved childhood conflicts, even if these relationships are harmful. This cycle is not necessarily intentional but arises from an unconscious attempt to gain mastery over past trauma, often leading survivors to reenact familiar patterns of distress and dysfunction.  

Many individuals with childhood trauma struggle with trust and intimacy, as their early experiences may have taught them that relationships are unpredictable or unsafe. This fear of abandonment or betrayal can manifest in various ways, such as avoiding deep connections, becoming overly dependent on partners, or engaging in self-sabotaging behaviours. For example, someone who grew up in a household where love was conditional may struggle to feel secure in a stable and supportive relationship, constantly fearing that affection will be withdrawn. On the other hand, those who experienced emotional neglect may unconsciously seek validation from emotionally unavailable partners, perpetuating a cycle of longing,  disappointment, and resentment. Defense mechanisms such as dissociation, projection, or suppression may be used to cope with these unresolved feelings, making it difficult to develop fulfilling relationships.  

The role of attachment theory is significant in understanding how childhood trauma impacts adult relationships. According to Bowlby, early attachments form the foundation of how individuals relate to others throughout their lives. Those with insecure attachments—whether anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—often exhibit maladaptive relationship behaviours rooted in their past experiences. For example, someone with an anxious attachment style may exhibit clinginess or heightened sensitivity to perceived rejection, while an avoidant individual may suppress emotions and distance themselves from intimacy. These attachment styles are not fixed but are deeply influenced by the internalized representations of early caregivers. In psychodynamic therapy, uncovering these unconscious patterns and making them conscious is a crucial step in creating healthier relationship dynamics.  

Scene in a Tavern, Painting by David Rijckaert III, Year Unknown

Psychodynamic therapy helps individuals explore their past experiences and unconscious conflicts, providing insight into how these early wounds continue to shape present-day relationships. Processing unresolved grief, anger, or unmet childhood needs can begin to shift away from destructive relational patterns and develop a healthier sense of self. The therapeutic relationship itself plays a significant role in this process, as it offers a corrective emotional experience—one in which the therapist provides consistent support, validation, and empathy that may have been absent in the individual’s early relationships. Through this process, individuals can start to reframe their narratives, build emotional resilience, and cultivate relationships that are based on mutual respect and security rather than unconscious reenactments of past trauma.  

While the impact of childhood trauma on adult relationships can be significant, healing is possible through developing self-awareness, establishing boundaries, and engaging in therapy in order to recognize and disrupt maladaptive patterns. As they work through their past experiences, they can begin to form relationships that are rooted in trust, respect, and emotional reciprocity rather than fear, dependency, or avoidance. Although the wounds of childhood trauma do not disappear overnight, psychodynamic therapy provides a framework for understanding and processing these deep-seated experiences, leading to the possibility of meaningful and fulfilling relationships.