What is the Avoidant/Dismissive Attachment Style?

Portrait of Giovanni Arnolfini and his Wife, Painting by Jan Van Eyck, 1434

From a psychodynamic perspective, the avoidant-dismissive attachment style is deeply rooted in early relational experiences, particularly with primary caregivers. Individuals who develop this attachment style often had caregivers who were emotionally unavailable, dismissive, or rejecting of their needs. As a result, the child learned to suppress their own attachment needs, where a defensive structure was developed, where self-sufficiency is prioritized over connection. This early relational pattern can create a deep mistrust of dependency, leading to a belief that emotional closeness is either dangerous or unnecessary. In psychotherapy, these individuals may struggle with acknowledging their need for intimacy and may exhibit strong resistance to exploring their vulnerabilities.

In adult relationships, avoidant-dismissive individuals maintain their emotional distance to protect themselves from perceived threats of dependency. They often experience a discomfort with intimacy, preferring self-reliance and autonomy over emotional closeness. When partners express emotional needs, avoidant individuals may respond by withdrawing, becoming dismissive, or minimizing the partner’s emotions. This dynamic can create a cycle of distance and frustration in relationships, where the avoidant partner feels pressured and overwhelmed, while the other partner experiences emotional neglect and rejection. In therapy, such individuals may resist discussing feelings, intellectualizing their experiences instead of engaging emotionally, reinforcing their defense mechanisms.

The Temptation of Saint Anthony, Unknown Artist, 1550-1575

One core feature of avoidant attachment is emotional suppression, which presents itself as a disconnection from one’s own affective experiences. Since early caregivers dismissed or ignored their emotional expressions, avoidant individuals learned to regulate distress internally rather than seeking comfort from others. This pattern continues into adulthood, where they may struggle to identify or articulate their emotions. They might experience stress responses to intimacy, yet remain consciously unaware of their emotional needs. Psychodynamic therapy aims to help clients reconnect with these aspects of themselves, creating a space where emotions can be safely explored and integrated.

Despite their apparent self-sufficiency, avoidant-dismissive individuals often experience an underlying sense of loneliness and dissatisfaction in their relationships. Their avoidance of deep emotional bonds can lead to a pattern of superficial connections, which, over time, may reinforce feelings of emptiness and emotional isolation. Some may engage in affairs or casual relationships as a way to maintain independence while avoiding emotional vulnerability. In therapy, uncovering the unconscious fears driving this avoidance is crucial. Exploring the early relational wounds that led to their attachment patterns can allow them to develop a more secure sense of connection without feeling overwhelmed.

The goal of psychodynamic psychotherapy with avoidant-dismissive individuals is to help them recognize and work through their unconscious fears of intimacy to provide an experience of secure attachment, allowing patients to gradually test emotional closeness in a safe environment. The process involves identifying and challenging maladaptive relational patterns, unmet childhood needs, and creating a more integrated sense of self that includes both autonomy and emotional connection. Through this work, avoidant-dismissive individuals can move toward more fulfilling and authentic relationships, where intimacy is no longer perceived as a threat but as a meaningful source of connection and support